Running.
That thing people usually only do when they are being chased by bees, late for something important, or trying to catch the ice cream truck before it disappears around the corner.
And yet, here I am, contemplating the unthinkable: becoming a runner.
Not just someone who occasionally jogs when guilt enters the room wearing takkies. I mean the kind of person who owns proper running shoes, speaks in kilometres, checks the weather before leaving the house, and casually says things like, “I just did an easy run this morning.”
So, what do I think will happen when I take this leap? Let’s jog through my highly optimistic, slightly dramatic predictions.
1. I’ll Develop a New Relationship with 5 am
I have always believed nothing good happens before 10 am, except maybe coffee and the occasional public holiday.
But apparently, runners are built differently. Suddenly, I imagine myself waking up before sunrise, lacing up my shoes in the dark, and stepping outside like I am about to film an inspiring sports advert.
Birds? My new alarm clock.
Coffee? Still important, obviously. I am not joining a cult.
2. I’ll Be Effortlessly Awesome
In my head, I will run smoothly and gracefully, floating down the road with perfect posture, calm breathing, and main-character energy.
In reality, I suspect I will look slightly less like an elite athlete and slightly more like a determined toaster with a side cramp.
Somewhere between “this is amazing” and “why are my lungs filing a complaint” is where the magic probably lives.
But that is the thing about starting something new. You do not have to look impressive. You just have to keep going long enough for your body and confidence to start negotiating with each other.
3. My Wardrobe Will Become 50 Shades of Spandex
I can already feel it happening.
Normal clothes will become “outside world clothes”. Running clothes will become “emotionally prepared for anything clothes”.
- Neon tights? Absolutely.
- Technical shirts? Naturally.
- Socks that cost more than lunch? Somehow justified.
- A running cap for weather I have not yet experienced? Add to cart.
I will own more running outfits than actual outfits and will briefly convince myself that activewear is suitable for every occasion, including errands, brunch, and emotional recovery after hills.
4. I’ll Speak Fluent Kilometres
Once running enters your life, everything becomes distance-based.
“That coffee shop? Easy 2km away.”
“That dessert? Definitely worth a 5km.”
“That parking spot? No need, I am basically an endurance athlete now.”
And yes, I will probably become that person who says, “I just did a quick 10km this morning,” while trying very hard to sound casual about it.
5. Medals Will Multiply Like Rabbits
Fun runs. Parkruns. Virtual races. Maybe even an event where I tell myself, “This is just for fun,” while secretly caring very much about my time.
Before I know it, I will have a growing collection of medals, each one proof that I started, suffered slightly, negotiated with my legs, and did not quit halfway.
Will I display them proudly? Absolutely.
Will I pretend they are casual? Also absolutely.
6. I’ll Become a Weather Expert
Suddenly, the weather will matter in a very personal way.
- Wind? Rude.
- Heat? Aggressively unfair.
- Rain? Possibly dramatic, possibly cinematic.
- Cold mornings? A character test with goosebumps.
I will check the forecast more often than my emails, and somehow still dress for the wrong conditions.
South African weather does not ask for permission. It simply arrives with an attitude.
7. Hills Will Be My Villain Origin Story
Flat roads will make me feel hopeful. Downhills will make me feel gifted.
Hills, however, will arrive like a personal insult.
I will hate them, crawl up them, question my choices on them, and then feel wildly proud at the top, right before another one appears and ruins the celebration.
Still, I know hills are where the stubborn part of you gets trained. Not just your legs. Your mind too.
8. Carb-Loading Becomes a Lifestyle
Pasta will no longer be indulgent. It will become “strategic nutrition”.
A toasted sandwich? Fuel.
A muffin? Pre-run support.
Will I overuse this excuse? Without question.
Will I apologise? Only if I run out of snacks.
9. I’ll Curate the Perfect Playlist
Music will become performance-enhancing. I am convinced of this already.
- Slow songs for the warm-up.
- High-energy tracks for survival mode.
- One dramatic song for pretending I am in a race montage.
One wrong song mid-run could destroy the whole emotional ecosystem. Nothing says “running motivation” like skipping a song while trying not to trip over your own feet.
10. I’ll Develop Questionable Confidence
Somewhere along the line, I know it will happen.
I will start believing I can outrun traffic lights, bad moods, Monday energy, and possibly my own responsibilities.
Reality may disagree. Strongly.
But confidence counts. Even the slightly suspicious kind.
11. I’ll Gain Mental Grit, The Real Unexpected Win
Here is the twist: running will not just change my body. It will change my mindset.
Because every run teaches you something small but powerful:
- How to keep going when it feels uncomfortable.
- How to negotiate with yourself: “Just one more kilometre.”
- How to show up, even when motivation has left the group chat.
- How to trust slow progress.
And that part? That is actually powerful.
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So, What’s the Truth?
My running life will probably be a mix of early mornings, questionable outfit choices, weather drama, hill-related betrayal, snack logic and unexpected pride.
I might start as a reluctant jogger, but I have a feeling I will end up enjoying it more than I would ever admit.
Just do not tell my couch. It is still in denial.
If you see me out there looking like I am being politely chased by imaginary bees, cheer me on. I will need it.
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